its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
