first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You took a bar mat shot.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
