My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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