I think I am morally bankrupt
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
