I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
