i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
