the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
