Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
