Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
