a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
