i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
