This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize