saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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