she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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