when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
