Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
