I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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