In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
