Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
