There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
