considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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