life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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