could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
