he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
