no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
