i wish my penis had a tongue
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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