After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
