Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He better not be in your backpack
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
