if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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