she was so not down for the gang bang
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize