she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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