life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
