Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
