it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
