He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
