I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
