I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
