is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
