Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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