not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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