it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
