If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
