I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Oh god it's open bar.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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