I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
