I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
