he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
