I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
