so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
