I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I fill condoms, not promises.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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