I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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