things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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