How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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