she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
