Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
