I looked at my own cervix.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
