well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize