Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
