Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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