This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
