i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize