I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Drunk is a universal language darling
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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