Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
