True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
