the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
