if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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