As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
