the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
