i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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