He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
