Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
