I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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