I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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