Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
