Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
